This is how Feldenkrais saved my life
Before Feldenkrais, I did not realize I could stop hurting myself.
So why not try Feldenkrais?
Chronic pain, depression and anxiety have been three great plagues in my life...
I have identified with each word to the point where I lost myself. I grew up in an abusive household where the cornerstones of my learning were,
1) being wrong or making a mistake was unforgivable.
2) I was small and could not fight back
3) care justified violence.
Adulthood was chaotic for me until I found something that made living worth it. Before I found it, I was riddled with the fear of living with depression, chronic pain and anxiety my whole life. That thought pushed me to long for death in any way.
Enter in the Feldenkrais Method...
I found the method in the most Feldenkrais way possible- doing nothing but being me. I was at a crossroads in my life. I knew that the path I was on was not working. Not because I physically changed but because I found my place. With Feldenkrais, I was allowed to be me, a perfectly okay human being. The way I was treated, the encouragement to take care of myself and the knowledge that I was powerful enough convinced me to continue doing lessons. I stood up, still in pain, but felt so different. For someone in pain to feel different is exhilarating because we tend to be stuck on only ever feeling pain. That was my first lesson – that it’s not always about pain. A couple of weeks later, I enrolled in a Feldenkrais Professional Training Program! And now, seven years later, I am a different person.
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Click HereIn the past seven years, I learned that pain, anxiety and depression (PAD) are all the same! It is the reaction to my living experience; when one ignites, they all ignite. My specific reaction to PAD is suicidal thoughts. The idea of living with PAD for the rest of my life sends me to a dark place. Feeling pain for the rest of my life creates anxiety. The mix of anxiety and pain causes depressive episodes, which leads me to convince myself that nothing will ever change.There were so many times when I thought my life would be different. I believed that if I could achieve this one random movement, I would heal. But in the back of my mind, I braced for the worst. I imagined trucks hitting me and having to start the healing journey all over again. Before I could escape that, my pain was back, and I realized I was in a depressive episode. I was furious and doubted the method rather than myself. I constantly reached for perfection, became annoyed at my mistakes and found myself repeating the cycle. It was harmful and tiring. The highs were high, but the lows were very low.
During an eye-opening segment, I decided the cycle needed to stop.
I recorded a poem for my chronic pain and “Things to remember when the pain was very hurtful”. I told myself to love my pain for telling me something was wrong. It hadn’t occurred to me that the pain was me. Pain and anxiety don’t exist somewhere outside of myself trying to hurt me. Both are signs that something needs attention. Every time I felt pain, I listened to this recording. I listened to my vulnerable voice explain that I needed to be easier on myself. I needed to respect the signs that I was not well rather than push them away. Rather than be angry about the pain, I could be thankful for the warning telling me to lie down and be curioust
Before Feldenkrais, I did not realize I could stop hurting myself. Seven years into it, I still have pain, but I always have a choice. Above all, that’s how Feldenkrais saved my life.
30 minute Body and Movement Awareness profile challenge
Download your FREE Feldenkrais Workbook!
This workbook gives you the tools to move with ease.
Click Here
Andréa Pallotto
Andréa Pallotto (ANd-RAY-a Pa-ll-O-tto) is a certified practitioner of the Feldenkrais Method. Andréa provides body awareness coaching to people who struggle with movement so they can move with ease.
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2 Responses
This blog is beautifully written and full of hope. Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing this method with the world !!
This is incredible. ❤️